Friday, June 17, 2016

'June Installment Of Riggin' Bill'

Just the semi-articulate account of a long ago Crackerjack and his troubles & tributes with women and the lost ways of life in those days!!!

Dear Bill:

You are a run-down heel! When we met in Central Park you said our hearts were in accord!! A cord is right… You were stringing me along, and I was fool enough to get roped in by your beautiful talk!!!

Are you dating my sister Peachy? I have not been out with you in two whole weeks, and I notice Peachy has learned some seaman’s knots she didn’t know two weeks ago!! All you ever taught me was the square knot, and she can do the half-hitch already!!!

Mother thinks your long absence might be because you went to sea!  To see somebody, I think, I cannot bear anything that reminds me of you!! Mother had Navy beans for supper the other night and I burst into tears at the dinner table!! I could not eat them, but I saw Peachy have a second helping!!!

Don’t think I’m going to sit around waiting for you, you conceited gob, because I have met a very nice sailor from one of the French Battleships! I do not understand his language, but he is very helpful!! He is going to help me get rid of the anchor you had tattooed on my knee!! I don’t know the French word for ‘Tattoo’ and I keep trying to explain to him that he can’t rub it off with his hand, but he doesn’t seem to understand!! He is trying hard though, but I think he’s a little dumb in that way!!!

If you cannot explain your long absence I am going to burn all your letters and scatter the ashes to the seven winds!  I could sue you for breach of promise for some of the things in those letters!! But, I’m not that kind of girl, you louse!!!

Yours Brokenly,

Lotta Tyme

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