'October's Riggin Bill'

Just the semi-articulate account of a long ago Crackerjack and his troubles & tributes with women and the lost ways of life in those days!!!

Dear Minnie:

Tonight I have a date with a nervous breakdown! At Eight o’Clock I have to walk into the Tyme Parlor on Clock Street and decide whether I want Peachy or Lotta Tyme!  There is no backing out because word of my situation has gotten around the Brooklyn Navy Yard!! Now it seems have the fleet will be heading for the Tyme neighborhood this evening just to see how I make out!!!

To make matters worse, old man Tyme just telephoned to tell me of something dreadful that has just happened!  It seems his wife, Dinah Tyme, has also fallen in love with me!! She’s seen e calling at the house and naturally has grown to care for me in a big way!! The unfortunate thing is that she doesn’t want Tyme on her hands anymore… (her Husband, I mean!!)  She wants me and intends to get me!!!

Right now, the twins are sitting on the davenport in the parlor waiting for y call and my decision!  They are dressed exactly alike and are impossible to tell apart!!  To make matters worse, they have been joined by their mother who is a dead ringer for each of them!!!

She too is dressed as they are and Mr. Tyme just told me with tears in his voice that he too is unable to tell them apart and none of the three females will identify herself!  However, old man Tyme just warned me that if I make a mistake and pick his wife he will shoot me with an old family horse pistol which he is just oiling up in anticipation of my visit!!!

Minnie, I know you generally have to mind your father’s combination fruit-stand and restaurant at Eight o’Clock in the evening but if you can, please come over to Clock Street and  help me find the right Tyme?!?

Nervously,

Riggin Bill