Monday, June 27, 2016
Thursday, June 23, 2016
While in preparation for Combat Systems Qualifications a Chief on the Combat System’s Training Team (CSTT) became a bit embroiled with an Ensign who thought he knew best on how to train the troops! Feeling confident in his status he questioned the Chief as to how he could become a member of the CSTT team!! As the Ensign continued on with his braggadocious ways the Chief decided to answer his overture…
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Now before I get into this yarn, I just want to say I already expect the assertions that… I’m a misogynist that must really hate women… blah, blah, blah… and that while growing up I probably used Barbie as a pin cushion for my GI Joes… which I did but that’s beside the point! Yes, we are a sorry bunch of bastards us men!! Sinners we are… neck deep in the quicksand of iniquity!! OOOOH the shame of it all!!!
“Well, of course not! That wouldn’t be gentlemanly like!”
… Because by instinct men are expected to care for women… and we as men expect to do it! It no longer makes sense… but it’s engrained in our DNA!! Look at the shit show going on in Washington DC about Selective Service for Women… Capiche?!?
Before women were presented to us by the likes of God on the deck plates of the world’s finest warships we had a reputation devoid of the kindly enlightened impact of the fairer sex! We often reverted to a more primitive state of thinking traced back to our Neanderthal roots!! Our inner savagery led to pranks and horseplay of Olympic size proportions!! Today’s Politically Correct wouldn’t approve of such shenanigans from sordid Crackerjacks of the Ol’ Canoe Club!!!
“That’s why he’s saving up all those Trojans Doc’s been passing out…Ha-Ha!”
To which he might say…
“Well honey, if you’ve got an outlet… I’ve got the prong for it!”
Women traded sex for what they wanted and men traded anything and everything for sex… it seemed like an even exchange!! East was East, and West was West, and the twain would meet at the drop of a hat!!!
So the twist in the social rope began! Women got more than equal rights, plus palimony, the child support, the child, the house, the car, the gold mind… and us men?!? Well… we got the shaft!! But if that wasn’t enough the government in all its wisdom decided we needed to impose women on all the ol’ boys clubs and societies that are out there… even if they don’t want to be a part of it!! So they started infiltrat’n our ranks with the wimmins!!!
Hell, in the beginning, I didn’t seem to mind! It sure beat look’n at Billy Bob’s ugly mug every day!! You ain’t never gonna learn something as profoundly as when it’s purely out of curiosity… and I’d seen some things!!!
The idea of putting women on ships was hardly founded on pent-up desires among women to be our combat equals! This here Canoe Club, in its infinite wisdom, decided it so out of the convenience of Social Engineering coming straight to you from Washington DC!! Before we knew it, women were on board ships and things took their course!! It wasn’t so bad at first… and women obviously knew what they were doing!!!
At first it was like…
“Hey, I’d love to meet you in the fanroom and get down to business… I mean your pants!”
But then she wised up and the little gal started wiggl’n her ass like bait to the fish on a tin can underway with hundreds of male Crackerjacks hornier than a Vikings helmet! Next thing you knew women were giving birth like Grand Prize Slot Machines and missing deployments while ship’s company ended up with twenty to thirty percent less manpower!!
It was a sham… a loss of workforce driven by inadequate contraception… what a pity!!!
Hell, it began to smell fishier than Lady Gaga’s Piano Chair! We horsed around on the sexual fringes at first like all young people do!! Then somebody got their knickers in a bunch and raised the Holy Hell Sexual Harassment Flag!!!
All these women… first they were throwing their legs up in the air, next they were throwing their hands up in the air… and the New Canoe Cabaret was born! It’s like a bunch’a fluttering hens in the coop losing their collective minds with the fox in the hen house!! The immediate cause of flutter is still unknown… but many careers were lost, and many are still going down the drain!!!
Ain't it grand? If a man says a bad word in the passageway, or glances at her legs, a woman should swoon, deftly calling her legal advocate before hitting the deck and maybe going into seizures!! Is this Victorian England all over again?!?
I say rinse the sand out of your crotch and spare the rest of us the frustrations of sitt’n through another unpleasant session of a ‘Red light, Green light’ GMT! Just say one wrong thing and they’ll be on you like buzzards on carrion… well I've seen road kill better looking than some of those ogres!! It’s all about punishing the Masses for the mistakes of a Few!!!
Then there’s the Tranny issue…
It’s enough to make you as comfortable as a twisted testicle… I think I’d rather play leapfrog with a unicorn! I just don’t know how the young lads do it these days!! Or maybe I’m just not properly anchored to the planet!!!
In the future Navy ‘Drag’ will be encouraged… maybe even required! I swear if I joined the Navy today I’d soon have to wear an armored bathysphere for personal protection!! This could change the whole meaning of sexual harassment in a nutshell!!!
Friday, June 17, 2016
Saturday, June 11, 2016
Friday, June 10, 2016
The bartender pours a drink and watches as the man quickly downs it.
Putting the glass on the bar, the sailor says…
The bartender pours another glass and the sailor drinks it as quickly as he had the first, before asking for another, again adding…
After several rounds of this the bartender says…
The sailor looks at the bartender and says…
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
You ask for a Mojo… You pour the Mojo down… then your San Migoo!
You've got her worried, she doesn't know if you're a killer, a madman or an idiot – But all you want is to drill her!
She is shy at first but after a lady drink or two she’s dry humping in your lap...
It's one a.m. in a dead cow world... You ask her how much for head… drink everything down… it tastes like machine oil...
(you doubt your dick tastes better)
You pay the barfine… But can’t remember where your hotel is?!?
Monday, June 6, 2016
I once had a CMDCM who as if it wasn’t bad enough reported onboard swearing to the Chief’s Mess we had the best Skipper the Navy had to offer… let it be known this same Skipper oversaw a Precommissioning of a ship that lost five chiefs to alcohol and fraternization while implicated in the Navy Times as a ship fueled on drug and alcohol issues! That Skipper was also under investigation for improper use of funds!