‘You Might Be a Salty Crackerjack Sailor If’

1. You know instantly that "work smarter, not harder" means billet cuts

2. People ask you what you're doing beyond the two-hundred mile radius

3. You get married to move off the ship

4. You precede every public speech with, "I was going to tell a sea story, but seeing

the lack of warfare pins out there, you all just wouldn't understand"

5. An Alaskan cruise is not an option for your honeymoon.

6. You are still trying to figure out what TQM was all about.

7. You've ever laughed when watching the “Global Force For Good” commercial at 3:00 am, and wondered what happened to “It’s more than a job, It’s an Adventure”

8. You've successfully avoided at least one inspection, Change of Command, or urinalysis

9. After bootcamp, you've never fired a gun

10. You hear a SH-60 and DON'T look up

11. Your port calls have more bars in them than people

12. You consider the lack of doors on your aircraft natural air conditioning

13. While underway, a life raft comes loose, hits you on the head and you're counseled for "loss of situational awareness"

14. Members of other branches of the service visit your work space and they shout, "Wow, I haven't seen one of these in 20 years!"

15. Your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5.

16. ...Any time you set out on a trip you expect to hear "make preparations for getting underway".

17. When you come home with groceries you shout, "All hands lay to the garage/driveway/curb for stores".

18. You catch yourself speaking to your children in the same tone of voice you use with your non-rated seamen ... or is it the other way around?

19. You are not sure if there really is life out there, i.e. in the real world.

20. It seems every time you watch a movie it says on the bottom of the screen "Property of the US Navy"

21. You’ve had an alcohol incident and advanced in the same week

22. You might be a Salty ol’ Crackerjack if everyone on the ship asked you what you do in the radio room and they got mad because you said, "I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you!"

23. If getting to sleep after mid-watch was ever difficult due to the ever-present sun up above throwing your system off.

24. If your ship is handed a list of “businesses districts” your crew is not welcome at during their port call...

25. You've left a port with more than one sign from the naval base...

26. You've woken up in the "red light district" in several Port-O-Calls

27. If your 40-year-old boat is getting underway on Monday for a 6-week patrol and your still making plans for the weekend because you know the boat will break down within 2-3 days.

28. You tell your children that Fridays are 'field days'

29. When your ship sends an emergency CASREP for the broken coffee maker.

30. When the Marines get upset when they see you get to use real bullets in your weapon.

31. If your child refers to the ship or station as "where Daddy lives"

32. You claim to have a woman in every port, yet you are on shore duty.

33. You run from the kitchen, trip over the dog, fall and hit your head on the coffee table just to see a 15 second blip on TV when you hear the words "The Navy, A Global Force For Good"

34. You PANIC when you have to wear nice civilian clothes out because you can't color coordinate because you know no other than white and blue.

35. Your wife looks at you strange and spouts out, "You're not my Chief, and I sure as hell ain't one of your damn Seaman!"

36. If you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out.