" G.A.S.H. "

 

A sailor returns from liberty feeling very ill. He goes to medical who soon has the ship’s Medical Officer at his beck and call. After completing a series of tests the sailor passes out and awakes sometime later in an isolated room with a speaker squawking at him next to the headboard of his bed…

“We’ve received the results back from your tests. We have found that you have an extremely nasty STD called G.A.S.H., which is a combination of gonorrhea, AIDs, syphilis, and herpes. 

“Oh my GOD! What am I to do?”

“Well, we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.”

“Will that actually cure me?”

“Well no, but it’s the only food we can get under the door.”