“Is It Patricia or Patrick”

So there I was on the Good Ship Rainier….the best I’ve served on in the fleet to date! Well at least that is my perspective anyway. While serving onboard this great vessel I had the opportunity to get chartered out to the Master-At-Arms Office for three months thanks to good ol’ Henry the Big Nosed FC from a previous story!
 

You see Henry fell victim to a rash of criminal discrepancies while enduring the task of urinalysis coordination or for those not in the Navy, Penis Gawkers. Unlike in the civilian world, when the Navy has a urinalysis we have to watch the pee leave the organ. This of course is to prevent the alluring proposition of a “Urinater” or other commercial product that may destroy the integrity of this great operation...and apparently Henry wasn't doing it right!! So yes, I got to watch other guys pee!!! The joy of my life…That’s what I joined the Navy for…and my buddy Joey told me before I joined that I should always carry Soap on a Rope!! WTF…
 

So, there I was, acting as the ship’s Penis Gawking Super Cop with a nice shiny badge on my chest pissing in everyones wheaties every morning brow beating shipmates late for quarters, correcting their uniform discrepencies or giving the white glove treatment during berthing inspections. Yes I was a star candidate, so much that some of my colleagues would soon submit to me as the keystone copper!
 

Then there was the head of the MA force. A rather androgynous individual with a robust voice and profusely sweating armpits. Master-At-Arms Senior Chief Pat was her name, as she was a some what overweight character with short, curly black hair who wore glasses and walked like a dude with an attitude! Does this sound familiar to any of you? Yes she pose a striking resemblance to Pat O’Neil Riley from Saturday Night Live! Is it Patricia or Patrick…who knows? People would first meet MACS Pat and then go to great lengths to discover Pat's true gender without being so rude as to actually ask…hahaha.. No, we all knew what she was..or did we? I think some even referred to her as Barney Fife in reference to her Police Officer prowess and suspicious mentality!
 

But frankly speaking Pat, as she was informally known as inside the office and I’m sure in the Chief’s Mess at the time, was really a pretty cool cat! She was misunderstood, and once told me she used that in her favor. She didn’t mind the cackling and jokes because it prevented her from getting too familiar with anyone in the line of her duties… I think I understand that even more now as a Chief in the Navy. But at the time I thought it a bit odd as to why anyone would want to be referred to as a man/she!!Then I met her husband…now wait a minute…I’m not gay, but I can tell a good looking guy when I see one and this guy was one hansome devil..what the hell was he doing with her? I still can’t figure it out to this day, but there was definitely something out of place with that picture. I guess you really can’t judge a book by it’s cover!!
 

In the end I had a pretty good tour working as a “Keystone Copper” and gained a lot of respect from the upper chain of command. I also had new found respect for ol' Pat. The things we learn sometimes when we see life from a different perspective….