Some of you out there who might remember, there was a time when carrying a firearm onboard ship didn’t make a hell of a lot a’ sense…
There’s not much I agree with in the direction of today’s Crackerjack Canoe Club, but one thing they finally got right is the Condition One firearm!! Yep… If you’ve been around for more than a few years… there was a time we carried the ol’ .45 caliber (great gun by the way) in Condition Four! That means all the ammo is removed with the chamber empty and the safety on… I asked my Crusty ol’ Chief who once served as a seaman on Noah’s Ark if and when we’ll ever get to load our weapons and he tells me,
“WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER!!!”
I mean really, what kind’a gaudamned nonsense was that!?!?!?
Thus somewhere between the events of 9/11 and Hell Freezing over… AT LAST… we finally got to put those damn weapons in Condition One!!! For all you land lubb’n non military types… Condition One has the ammo loaded into the magazine with a round in the chamber ready to fire… the safety mechanism is your only Savior from a bad day on the Quarterdeck!!!
But I suppose I would prefer Condition four over an exciting state of affairs of what would become filled with a piss your pants adventure and unwanted recognition in the form of a Fleet Wide Navy Message!!!
Some of the less fortunate yet pitiful situations that I’ve pulled out of dormancy in my memories could make a person wonder why the hell certain people would be given the gaudamned right to handle a firearm in the first place… In the immortal words of Lee Ermey… ‘Some of these Jackwagons should head right back to Mamby-Pamby Land with their tail between their legs right after they pull their heads outta their asses!!!!
It used to be that we did Gun Qualifications in the middle of the ‘Deep Blue’ when ever chance would allow… and all you had to be able to do to pass was aim off the end of the ship’s fantail and manage to hit the ocean… a mighty big target if I say so myself… of course you had to show that you weren’t overwhelmed with anxiety issues when handling that little mechanical trigger-’BANG’… cause we didn’t want anyone pissing their pants or pull’n a Barney Fife and tak’n out their foot in the middle of watch!!!
Then right after checking onboard the USS Rainier they finally let us put the weapons in 'Condition Three' with a magazine full of bullets in the gun but not in the chamber... We had a gun qual that for the first time was actually on shore… We went to a real live range with real targets and a possible ribbon certification if you showed you were handy enough with a sidearm!!!
But you know there is a reason they have the Darwin Awards every year… as they say,
“There are those who posthumously are better off for no longer contributing to the human gene pool.”
But some weren’t so gaudamned lucky!!! We had one fella’ at that there gun range who was soooo hyped up and nervous he pulled the trigger instead of putt’n on the safety and shot the rafters up above!!! Don’t know if that ever happened before but the Range Master would never let him back on the range again… probably a good thing before he killed somebody… nevermind the fact he turned and unintentionally pointed his weapon at the Range Master when he was asked what the hell he was doing!!!
If that didn’t make matters any worse… a few months after the ship arrived to its new Homeport in Bremerton, Washington, a couple of the Gunnersmate types decided to head out to one of the local watering holes. I suppose one of the fellas decided he was gonna go out with a bang ‘Gansta Style’!!!
After kicking back a few beers and hitt’n the dance floor with one of the local dames… Gunner #1 accidentally discharged a handgun from inside his coat pocket through the crowd hitting Gunner #2 in the arm…
Now… I don’t know what ya’ll think about the whole magic bullet concept but it must’a been a one helluva gaudamned miracle that in a crowd as much as a hundred or so people, one bullet managed to ricochet from one side of the club to the other only to find its way to the one person that came with ‘Gunner #1’ that night!!!
These Sons-a-Bitches were supposed to be the all mighty educated firearm masters of the shipboard Universe!! But it seems they were about as damn competent as Plexico Burress having a night out on the town if you ask me!!!
Then just a few years before the 9/11 attacks and a couple of incidents akin to some derelict using the butt of his gun as a hammer and putt’n a hole in his leg while on watch or the one incident that rings clearly in my head…
Muscat Oman, and we were pierside with the USS Stump alongside utilizing hotel services from our portside... I can still hear the Crack! Clunk!! WHIZZzzzz!!!... as a bullet ricocheted across the ship!!! Somehow the Quarterdeck watch on the Stump was getting relieved and he managed to discharge a round as he was clearing his weapon on the fantail… and as luck would have it the Chief of Naval Operations was in town to give a speech on our forecastle as part of his Fifth Fleet Tour…
Then a fella off the Rentz was tell’n me how they were plane guard for the Kitty Hawk on that same deployment…
He said the OOD had noted the crew on the carrier appeared to be practicing a bit of small arms off their fantail so he radio’d the Shitty Kitty’s Bridge,
“Kitty Hawk this is Rentz, are you aware of the small arms fire off of your fantail?”
To which the Shitty Kitty replies,
“That’s affirmative, Rentz.”
So the Rentz goes back,
“Are you also aware we are about a thousand yards astern of you?”
To which the Shitty Kitty responds,
“That’s affirmative, Rentz.”
So the Rentz replies as the junior ship,
“Could you please stop shooting at us?”
That folks is why they teach you math at an early age… so you can learn to put two and two together…
Sooo.. a few years of shore duty… 9/11 happens… Hell Freezes Over… and I’m back in the fleet!!! And Holy Shit Fire runn’n up hill through thorn bushes nekkitt… In a Hale Storm!!!
We’ve now got ‘Condition One’ Weapons on the Quarterdeck, the fantail, forecastle, and picket around the ship!!! Makes for one helluva watch turnover… and Duty Gunnersmate used to be a skate job… not anymore!!!
So I come to the Mighty MOMSEN DDG 92 before it’s even commissioned and in todays ‘PC’ Navy… amongst all the Weapons Condition and Familiarization mumbo jumbo… and one of the young ‘Crackerjack’ fellas is the Duty Gunnersmate in the aft small arms locker!!! As the watch was being relieved the passageway was secured to all passer-byes to keep clear for weapons exchange and security… The Duty Gunnersmate had already warned the Duty Electrician not to utilize the passageway as it was a security violation… but she failed to listen…
In seconds flat he pulled his Condition One weapon on her and had her face down on the deck… remember I said her… had this been a male it probably wouldn’t have been an issue…
Ol’ boy goes to the Chiefs Discipline Review Board (DRB) and Executive Officer’s Inquiry (XOI) and ends up getting his Gun Quals pulled for the better part of a year…
Now let’s go back to my very first ship and an FC3 I worked with was standing guard of some ASROC (possibly nuclear… possibly not) missiles when one of the Marines that were part of the ASROC security force approached him in a not so professional manner. He pulled his weapon on the marine and about made him shit his pants… he too was put on report, but when he was confronted by the Commanding Officer… the Skipper wanted to know why the hell FC3 didn’t shoot the Son-of-a-Bitch’!!!
My-Oh-My how times have changed over the years…
Now the poor sons-a-bitches are runn’n around the ship dressed in aquaflage with ‘Condition One’ Weapons in hand flipp’n through their gaudamned Politically Correct laminated ‘Rules of Engagement’ (ROE) cards wondering who and if they should aim their weapons at and rather or not they’ll get put in the brig for doing such things…
I tell ya, it takes a ‘Special Breed of Man’ or ‘Woman’ for that matter to deal with the hurdles they’re putt’n up infront of our young’ns these days… If I was wrong for the way I handled my weapon in my day then call me a slacker… dipshit… numbnutts… jackass… or whatever you want… I was the culprit who put my butterfinger in the magazine holder of my web-belt… hell we weren’t allowed to carry real ammo!!!
So here’s to you my fellow derelicts… if we were wrong… then I don’t wanna be right!!!
Your story reminds me of when I worked in the inport security force on the Enterprise. It was 2005 or 6 and we were in the yards at Newport News. In the hangar bay it was about 17 or 1800 and two sections were about to muster to turn over. Most people are just standing around grab-assing waiting to muster. Some 2nd class armed up with a 9mm decides to show off and do the cowboy trick, twirling it on his finger. Well lo-and-behold the thing goes off, the bullet ricochets off the deck and strikes some 1st class in the leg. Everyone looks over and wonders what the $@#! just happened. The 1st class slumps down onto the deck. Eventually the duty corpsman comes up and yells "Call 911!" The poor guy is carted off the ship to a shore hospital. Later that night I am standing an elevator pier-side shotgun watch, and the man who was shot comes hobbling up this forklift ramp onto the elevator. Needless to say the security team came under some strict scrutiny after that! I remember the 2nd class was placed on a suicide watch later on. But what makes this story mind blowing is that the 2nd class chambered a round, when normally there is just the magazine and no round chambered.
ReplyDeletenow I am a little salty and I was on ships with the PRP running full swing, so this condition 3 thing was not an option for the rover and OOD and POW which lead to a couple of interesting turn overs on the port boat deck when someone would get careless and rack (trying not to drop the round and see it fall in the deep 6 which I have personally see a few times) and then drop the mag and instead of checking clear they pull the trigger and bang.
ReplyDeletethere was also the point that on an aegis cruiser the main response was thru officers country (no water tight doors from mid ship to bow) and the senior officers (ie the CO/XO) would play jokes on the new butter bar and time the secruity drill response, (the SAT is armed, they are moving down the pway, BAF is armed they are moving down the pway in 1 min) hey george go to my stateroom and get me the training folder on my desk, AYE AYE sir, "GET ON THE DECK GET ON THE DECK OR WE"LL SHOOT, "but I'm ensign dumb shit you cant tell me what to do" over the 1MC "duty doc to wardroom" it amazing what a shotgun butstock does to a young butter bar idiot.lol
Back in the late 70's when we still used 45's I walked into the armory and a fellow first class GM was trying to put the slide stop back in with a hammer since he couldn't line up the notch on the slide, in his defense it was because his eyes didn't point in the same direction due to a head injury in Viet Nam, for some reason the Navy didn't put him out. After I helped him get the slide stop he started cleaning another 45 after pulling the slide back he checked the chamber found it empty and released the slide and pulled the trigger, like any good 45 it fired just like it was supposed too. Do to the total surprise and the disorientation and ringing in my ears I could get to him before he removed the magazine and pulled the trigger again. We ended up with two neat holes in the bulkhead between the armory and ordnance workshop, missed the Chief's head by inches. The GM involved then went ballistic as I tried to take the weapon away from him and get him out of the armory. That afternoon he was sent to the Naval Hospital for evaluation and the found out besides having port and starboard pointing eyes he was also hearing voices and answering back. We never saw him again, nor did we find out how the weapon became loaded.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was aboard The Leaky Larry aka The USS Lawrence (DDG-4) - an incident occurred concerning an accidentall discharge that caused a fecal flurry of truly Biblical Proportions. To Wit:
ReplyDeleteOnboard The USS John King (DDG-3) The POOW - deciding to play Quick Draw McGraw discharged a round that flew across the pier and struck The USS Seatlle (AOE-3). Thankfully one was injured - but.....The Seattle being an AOE had extensive weapon magazines aboard - including some special ones that were configured to carry - well - special weapons. Navy Regs at the time required that any ship so configured - that was involved in any accidental weapons discharge - no matter how minor - had to be reported to a massive list of folks - The one at the Top was some fellow named SECNAV. You can only imagine the fun and games that followed....
As a young FTGSA on board USS Yosemite AD-19 I was tasked with securing the outboard brow with shotgun in hand for security drills. Since we had the capability to carry and repair Special ASROC and Torpedoes (Really? Yes really.) There was a ship outboard and even though they also went to security alert, there was an ensign that had an appointment with someone on my ship. I gently explained that it was a bad time but he insisted that I should let him aboard. We revert to our training so I chambered and instructed him to lay down on the brow. It was later claimed that nearby paint was blistered by my use of invective. When the XO came round to secure my station he was rather amused. Sadly the ensign thought this was his chance and started to rise. The XO told him to lay back down. Hilarity ensued and I silently bid my chances of advancement goodbye. Turned out that the ensign got an ass chewing of major proportions and I kept my job.
ReplyDeleteDD-826 pulled into Keeklung in 1963 and as the Postal Clerk, I had to go to Taipei with the postal officer to pu mail. Watched from the quarterdeck as the natives manhandled each sailor hitting the beach to go to their bar or meet their sister. Didn't feel like getting mauled so got permission to leave the ship, stepped up on the brow, saluted the colors and drew my .45 and chambered a round. Port arms with the postal officer screaming "You can't do that, what are you doing." By the time I got to the end of the brow, all the natives were gone. Dropped the mag, popped the round, and reinserted the mag. Good to go.
ReplyDeleteEverything has gone bass ackwards! Back in the day, you had no ROE’s and your weapon was in condition 4. Now these kids run around with guns ready to go (the only “safe” way to carry a firearm IMHO), and so many rules that they might as well store the ammo in their footlocker.
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