Thursday, March 17, 2016

‘Welcome Home Sailor’

I remember well, the first time pulling in from a long spell underway… the envy of spouses and girlfriends coming aboard to meet their Sailor Boy!!!

A family excited to welcome their sailor home with a banner in his honor! One fella hugs his sister as she waves a flag!! All sorts of ladies and friends loyally waiting on the pier smiling and waving…

“Welcome Home Johnny!”

They came in all shapes and sizes from the Skipper's wife down to professional poll dancer! The Wives Club Regulars and old maids fighting the cellulite and varicose veins!!  From  sexy little sirens to veteran Chief’s wives who’d done enough ‘Welcome Homes’ over the years to know all you get after lines are doubled and liberty goes down is a sack of dirty laundry and a raging hard on!! Being gone for so long, it all left a burn’n sensation deep in my chest!!!

There were wives who used to get your time of arrival...  Then drive out North Island, the Golden Gate, or the shoals of Port Orchard  and sit there waiting for an old rust-bucket to come churning past in hopes you might catch them waving at you well before you got to the pier!!!

It was damned near impossible to maintain a long distance romance on a long Bon Voyage away from home! But damn it I envied those fellas who had something waiting on the pier!! It must’a been nice to be remembered!!!

There is something wonderful about standing topside waiting to toss the lines over!  And seeing the smiling face of a devoted spouse whose panties were overdue for an oil treatment!! There’s one Crackerjack who ain’t making it past the parking lot without stress testing the back seat of that old jalopy his wife came rolling in on!!! 

Guys were carousing the decks in anticipation…

"Hey Smithee, watcha wanna do when we get in?"

"Ron I wonder if Marianne could hook up an ole' buddy with one of them hot Mamasita friends of hers?"

"Oh, Look at that fine lady across the pier, she’s gonna be my next future ex wife!"

"The only way that hottie is ever going to look at you, you ugly son-of-a-bitch, is if you get a face lift and the Disbo gets caught cheating on her!”

“What about that gal over there?”

“Oh, that’s Greg’s wife!”

… then comes Greg…

"Keep it up shit for brains, and this left hook might pop ya in the snot locker!"

"Knock it off, ladies!"

And with that all the single fellas headed below primping for the neon-lit strip when hitting the beach!!!

The best this fella could hope for was waking up next to a pair of boobies with the crotchless satin panties pulled over his head, and his neckerchief hanging on the bed post! Some young gal he met the night before needing a few hours of handy work repacking her O-rings!!  

“Uummm… What’s your name again?!?”


… “Welcome Home Sailor” …




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