'Lusty Lady'

Just another no shitter...

Back in my day... if you were a young red-blooded American 'Crackerjack' in this ol' Canoe club you either had to relegate yourself to a more pontifical life of abstinence

, or dabble in a man's world of iniquity...  or turn queer if that's what floated your boat but the ol' UCMJ kinda frowned upon such actions... you know those who were light in the loafers!!!

There's a reason for the ol' clichés... drinks like a sailor... cuss's like a sailor... & a girl at every port!! That's what sailors were meant to do... to be!!!

We 'Crackerjack' sailors always seemed to precipitate to a particular type of establishment...  rather it was booze, broads or dames... no matter where you went or in what order you took it... someone had 'Been there and done that'… in every coastal city in the world!!!

If you were a 'Cherryboy'... one of your good ol' hearty shipmates introduced you to the more commercial world of XXX-rated... pornographic fashioned... salacious raunchiness!!! And this lifestyle didn't involve monumental minutes of preheated foreplay... poetry... or romantic courtship! Nope... just enough testosterone filled imagery to fill up a seventy-two hour liberty span with plenty of memories and possibly a couple of visits to the duty corpsman if you weren't careful!!!

One place in particular came to mind just the other day when talk'n with some cohorts at work about downtown Seattle... suppose the ol' place closed down last year no thanks to the internet and a piss-poor economy...

If any of you out there ever frequented the late night streets of Seattle and San Francisco... you ought'a know this place... 'The Lusty Lady'!!! A peep show extravaganza fashioned with the 1970s golden age of porno atmosphere, dark... seedy... and I hope nobody knows me here kinda feeling!!! It even had a wonderful marquee in the market of humorous innuendos that made the place famous...

Happy Nude Year... Kiss Me Under The Cameltoe... Squeezin's Greetings... We Give Raises... Fall Flashn's... Always Open and Never Clothed... We Take off more than Boeing... Happy Spanksgiving... and other sayings that were nice & ripe for erotic wordplay!!!

I heard once that even Bill Gate's stepmother who at the time was the director of the Seattle Art Museum was quoted as say'n...

"The Lusty Lady's marquee is a Seattle Landmark!!!"

I mean you gotta admit... the place stuck as one hell of a marketing ploy... 'Low Cost, High Interest'... hell everybody was interested!!!

You see the 'Lusty' provided exotic dancers behind a sliding panel that  made you feel giddy like a kid before Christmas... for only a quarter at a time!! Hell... I thought places like this were only made for Madonna Videos!!!

But before you went you had to form yourself a crowd of wild beer swill'n drunkards and put down a few Pitures of Seattle's finest 'Rainier Beer' just to get yourself lubed up!!! Three sheets to the wind... young 'Crackerjacks' will shell out their hard earned dough for anything from soiled panties to autographed pictures of 'Marry Magdalene... Then off down the street as you could feel the tension mounting... no pun intended!!!

Once inside, the booths were musty... floors were sticky or wet & slippery... & there was a gaudamned mop boy going from stall to stall try'n his damnedest to keep the place clean and sanitized... hope he got paid well!!! 

The main stage featured several nudie women posing provocatively separated by glass windows to keep'm from being contaminated by wiley customers of all sorts... there were tattooed Betties... Domineering Donnas... Sweet Virgin Virginias and other pretty lady types...

It was dirty... immoral... and cost only a mere quarter!!! Really... isn't that dirty feeling the reason we were lured in the gaudamned crusty confines in the first place?!?!?  Great places in life are where you lose money... drink stuff you have no idea what it was... and for twenty-five cents only to make your pants a bit tighter in the groin'...

Fun, cheap & friendly... at least they had kleenex boxes strategically placed in the joint... but I'd still bring my own set of hand wipes if I were you... Walking out the door was posted the motto...

"We came... We saw... We came again!!!"

Yep, the ladies in these joints were the kind your Momma and the Sunday School Teachers warned you about... Fallen Angel A-Go-Go gals!!! They were fancy & plentiful... not so much sophisticated, but any history of the 'Crackerjack' Navy would not be historically accurate without sweet hootchie-momma gals like these!!!

They dressed up in Victoria Secret Lingerie...  red lipstick... black lace pop-up bras... high-heels... silk thong panties... and played peek-a-boo behind the glass as a preview of what could ever possibly tantalize your desires!!! 

The 'Lusty Lady' had outdone itself... and ladies, I truly hope you got what you were looking for and life has been as good for you as you made it for all us testosterone driven drunkards parading down the boulevard...

We were young... dumb & thought  we were bulletproof...  and we were going to live forever. A very important part of this 'Crackerjacks'  history… perhaps the greatest part.