In Nautical Knots!!!

Well I suppose it’s a good time for another short whore story, I mean horror story from the Good ol’days onboard USS Rainier! This one is upon request from Gray Hickey as he likes to reminisce about his Don Juan days of philandering with loose tails in his amorous escapades overseas!! Sounds like a typical sailor…….well, you’re probably right in that assessment!!!

You see there was this shipmate, I’ll keep his last name out of this! He was an FC1 at the time with a walrus mustache so that should explain a lot for those readily familiar with this story!! Anyway, FC1 was kind of an oddball, but a funny guy never the less!!!

FC1 liked to chase after what he called LBFMs, or Little Brown Fucking Machines, anytime we were away from our home port! You see he was married to a Filipina and had a craze for Asian women in general! He could never get enough of them. Even though he was married, he regularly subscribed to Cherry Blossoms, a mail order bride magazine, to meet young singles from foreign countries!! He even got a few other hopelessly desperate individuals hooked on this idea. One sorry sap, in particular, was caught mailing as many as five or six letters weekly!!!

Here is where I come into the story. I always had a thing for flipp’n FC1 some shit!! I was good at this… He was a fun-loving guy and always took things rather well. On various occasions, I would come off watch while underway, pull FC1’s Emergency Escape Breathing Device (EEBD) from his rack and replace it with a wined up alarm clock set for some crazy-ass early morning hour. FC1 would lie down in his rack only to be abruptly awoken and stumble around four to five minutes wondering what the hell was going on! I think I pulled that stunt about three or four times and it never got old. Then there was the time in Cabo San Lucas!! We were all at the infamous CABO WABO flipping him more shit for flirting with the barmaid. We got the bouncer in on the whole gig but unfortunately, Shore Patrol came in and got involved as they were not a part of said joke. They hauled his ass back to the ship kick’n and scream’n. Unfortunately, the CO did not take kindly to this act and banned all of the ship’s company from this establishment for the rest of liberty….sorry guys, that was my bad... Though I think we shared a few margaritas hanging out there after the fact!!!

Getting back to the storyline!! I believe it was Hong Kong…..yes it was. FC1 met this young China girl in the Wan Chai District. Yes that’s the infamous Suzie Wong Red Light District for all you novices. He took her back to a hotel room to have his way with her and had the balls to actually take pictures in the act. Now for whatever reason, a guy like FC1 would take pictures only to explain his insecure need to vilify his manhood to all shipmates back on the boat. I mean the guy was married for Christ Sakes!! Sooo ... there I was sitting at my rack and looking over at a set of photos, in duplicate I might add, he left scattered across his rack while he left the berthing compartment. You can only imagine the mischief I had running through my neurons of naughtiness…..he,he,ha,ha!!!!

FC1 eventually came back to berthing only to find a few pictures of his indiscretions missing. Where they went, I’ll never tell! Myself and a couple of accomplices had him sweating for weeks on end as said photos mysteriously reappeared on his rack just before returning home. He was an utter wreck….we continued to call him “Shipwreck” until the day he left for shore duty. That guy was a riot!!!

A few years later I ran into FC1 as he was Recruiting out of Aberdeen, Washington. Sorry Sap couldn’t sell the Navy to save his life…felt kind of sorry for the ol’ Shipwreck. But, he ended up divorcing his wife never the less as she was caught cheating on him with another shipmate. I guess it’s true what they say, “What comes around goes around!” I just wonder if he ever gave her the gift that keeps on giving!!!