A SAILOR’S PHILOSOPHY

Someone asked me if I could post this one... thought it was pretty gaudamned funny...

A crusty ol’ Crackerjack named Jack with many years of sea going experience approaches the great mathematician Pythagoras… who had invented the Pythagorean Theorem… and says to him,

“I wanna know the meaning of life and everything that comes with it…”

Pythagoras says,
“ You know my famous theorem?”

Jack says,

“The one ‘bout them triangles… something ‘bout squaws, hippopotami and hides or some shit like that?”

Pythagoras looks at him astonishingly and replies,

“Why yes… you mean squares, Hypotenuses & sides... I discovered it 2,510 years ago and it still holds true today!!”

Then Jack responds,

"Oh yeah, but my math teacher had this catchy way of teaching it… and I never forgot!"

Pythagoras rebuts,

“But you forgot the theorem… right?”

Jack,

“ Well Sorta’ my memory ain’t all that wonderful… due to all them late nights a’ drink’n & whor’n...”

To that Pythagoras replies,

“What about the mystic rule of three… pyramid power… transmigration of souls… mathematics of music… the golden ratio and the Music of the Spheres?”

Jack looks a bit puzzled,

“Huh?”

Pythagoras recites,

“With mathematics as the essence of all being… the Universal Truth… mathematics is God!”

Jack retorts,

“You sound like one of them liberal God hat’n sons-a-bitches!”

 To that of which Pythagoras replies,

“And you say this century of yours is more advanced than the 6th century BC? Well…”

Jack interrupts…

“Yep, we got planes, trains & automobiles… Great big steal ships with  computers &  rockets that go bang… we also got booze, babes and go-go bars!!”

Pythagoras asks,

“What are go-go bars?”

Jack then sits down and goes into detail,

“Well you see, go-go bars are places you can find the finest in lipstick wearing… high healed… G-string thong strapp’n beauties with peek-a-boo bras and panties that’ll grab yah by the genitalia and make your testosterone levels peak beyond manhood… “

Pythagoras somewhat impressed,

“I can see you have some enjoyments that we lack… hmm… but what is it exactly you want from me?”

To that Jack says,

“Well… what can this theorem of yours do to help me with the dames… broads… you know, the finer sex!!!”

Pythagoras,

“What exactly is the problem???”

Jack,

“Well I go to these go-go bars that I told you about, so there’s no problem getting the girls, but I keep getting the wrong ones… I get ripped off… robbed… two-timed… & I’m usually left sobbing drunk on my pillow.”

Pythagoras,

“ This might help you.”

He writes something on a wax tablet and gives it to the crusty ol’ sailor.

Jack reads it out loud,

“(GB)2 + (AB) 2 + (AG)(BJ) + 69 + (AE) + (AG)(EG) = PQ…”

Then Jack says with dismay,

“ It’s a formula…”

Pythagoras replies,

“Yes in which ‘G’=girls… ‘B’ =bars… and ‘BJ’ and ‘69’ = …well, you know –and the other stuff is triangulation theory. Hope it helps!!”

To this Jack replies,

“But…But…”

Pythagoras, 

“Sorry… I keep forgetting that not everyone shares my passion for mathematics. Basically, this is how you apply it:

1) Go to three different bars. Have a drink and a look round, then go back to the best.
2) Sit with three girls. Buy each one a drink, talk to her, then go back to the best.
3) Pay her handsomely and take her to a hotel…  You know the rest… Send her away in the morning.
4)Do this for three nights… then go back to the best girl… and keep her for three days.
5) Repeat the whole process three times… then you will find a girl worth keeping for three weeks… ditto… three months… ditto… three years… then you will have found a girl worth keeping for the rest of your life.”

Jack somewhat astonished replies,

“That’s a hell of a lot of girls, Pythagoras.”

To which Pythagoras replies,

“Two Hundred & Forty Three girls to be exact… and each rising on a triangle of perfection. Two Hundred & Forty Three… of course, being the first number of the form PQ where P and Q are a twin prime pair!”

Jack looks at him with a shit eat’n grin and says,

“I’d like to try a prime pair of twins with big titties...”

Pythagoras then says,

“Be careful Jack… that would make a different kind of triangle… an eternal triangle. They’d get jealous of each other, and that’s trouble!!!”

Jack,

“Even if I paid them the same???”

Pythagoras,

“Better to stick to the formula…”

Jack,

“Have you tried it, Pythagoras?”

To which Pythagoras answers,

“I tried yes… but by the time I got to number sixty-six… which is triangular, but unlucky…  I was so weary of women that I found mathematical equations more exciting. That’s how I got started on triangles.”

Jack,

“Well ain’t that some shit… thanks Pythagorus, I’ll give it a try. I’m looking forward to meeting P and Q!!!”

__________________________________________________

In evolutionary terms…  A man needs to be sure that the children he is raising are his own, and for that, he needs a faithful partner … of course… he doesn’t expect to be faithful himself.

His evolutionary motivation is to spread his seed as widely as he can… hence the reason WHY SAILORS HAVE GIRLFRIENDS IN EVERY PORT!!!