"Sailor Beware"

This is a no shitter... There are a lott'a gals in every port! Some small... some tall... some pretty.... and some not at all!! Then there was Chelsea... Chelsea was a 32nd Street regular at the Scuttlebutt Enlisted Club in San Diego! One evening around April of 89'. I was with a few shipmates when she came to the table and asked if I’d like to dance. I didn’t see the harm in such a request as she was somewhat of an attractive girl... could'a lost a few pounds... and I assumed she was Navy and had a few tangles with Navy gals by this time. I tried to stay clear of these lady types as they posed a possible danger to my way of life, you know the ol' saying,

'Don't shit where you eat'...

Little did I know Chelsea wasn’t in the Navy, she was just a Navy dependant or so she said. Apparently her aunt was an Admiral though I never delved into the specifics. However, these were the credentials she used to get on base so I had no reason to doubt it. The fact she was a senior officer’s relative made me a little ambitious in my endeavors to tuck her in that night.

After the bar closed we drove out towards Rosecrans as she was supposedly living with her aunt in that area up by NTC San Diego. Now I obviously couldn’t do the deed at her house so we got a room in a local motel just down the road from base. A seedy place yet cozy enough to do the trick. After a romp in the sack, I waited until she fell asleep and left her at the motel room. I was driving my buddy's car so I had to make sure I got back to base in one piece. Now, little did I know... somewhere in the course of leaving the club that night I must have pointed out the ship to her because she knew exactly where to sniff me out.

The next evening after knock off ship's work I climbed into my rack to catch a few extra ZZZs before going out again for the night. I believe it was around 2000 hours or 8PM for all you landlubbers, and the Messenger of the Watch (MOOW) wakes me and says,

“Hey Swing, You gotta girl on the Quarterdeck looking for you. She brought you some flowers too. She said something about having a good time last night.”

Me thinking nervously...

“Tell her you looked for me but I wasn’t here. She’ll believe you.”

The MOOW looks at me funny...

“Okay!”

And off he went to deliver the message. About an hour later I had shit, shaved, showered and was ready to hit the club again when I’ll be damned if she wasn’t standing at the end of the brow pissed as could be. I said to the MOOW,

“What the Fuck? I thought you were gonna tell her I wasn’t here.”

“I did, I came up and told her you told me to tell her you weren’t here.”

I was so pissed at that asshole. I couldn’t believe he was such a dumbass... and a horrible shipmate at that? Did he just do that shit on purpose? I really couldn’t tell as this guy wasn’t one of the sharpest tools in the shed. I was so dumbfounded... but I had to face up to it. She wasn’t gonna leave until I did.

As soon as I got to the end of the brow she threw the flowers at me and started cussing up a storm.

“What the fuck was that shit? Blah, Blah, asshole, asshole, Blah, Blah!”

Basically the jest of all I heard. I really wasn’t in the mood and so I appeased her and we walked back to the club. I somehow calmed her down and she was buying every bit of my bullshit. But when we got into the club another gal had caught my eye and I wasn’t about to be hindered by this thorn in my side... I simply told her,

“Listen last night was a lot of fun, but you have to understand that’s all it was. I have no need or reason to drag this on any further and I think we should just end this whole charade right now.”

“What? So you think you can just have sex with me and that’s it? Is that all I am to you?”

“Yeah, pretty much, it was just the sex. “

Oh boy, that was a mistake. She proceeded to slap the living shit out of me while the bouncers had to pull her off and force her outta the club. I had managed to put myself in the middle of such a spectacle that I ruined any chance of getting with that other gal. I had to think a bit about what I had just said and regret it.... I couldn’t leave the Club as ol’ girl could have been outside wait'n me down like a scorned woman often does... So I took a seat at the bar and shot the shit with a couple of familiar faces...

"Just curious... you always fuck up like that or are you just trying to amaze us?"

"Hey... You gotta roll with the punches!"

"Yeah, there's no virtue amongst swabbies, we're all fuck'n whores!"

".....HaHaHaHa..." as we all nervously laughed!

Yeah... I had to take my lumps. After all... it was quite a display...  and I learned a valuable lesson about scorned women. Though I have to admit, I was the talk of the ship for time.

Ya Gotta Love us Crackerjacks!!!