"Barmaids"

It's funny how Navy Retirement strikes a cord that can trigger an onslaught  of colorful memories. One thing that comes to mind as I take a stroll down memory lane...all those iniquitous barmaids we so loved and treasured throughout the years!  

Nothing was more enticing to a young crackerjack sailor in search of amusement and gratification than a young courtesan barmaid on female pheromonial steroids with high heals, net stalkings and a St Paulies Girl Bustier that made a set o' tits stand out like two moons fight'n over the night sky!!

My first engagement with these naughty harlots would have been within walking distance of the ship's mooring lines in San Diego! Many of the barmaids were of the Filipina variety and it had seemed they had come from the islands after spending many of their teen years sitt'n around lurid bars enticing sailors into buying drinks and paying bar fines for a night of erogenous intimacy. With this vivid bar seen occupying 99% of their employment skills they fit in quite well at the local establishments like the ol' Scuttlebutt, Sports Bar & the infamous Trophy Lounge! I hear you can still spot the same barmaids in the same lingerie outfits from twenty years ago in the same building sagging just a few inches lower than before.

But you see, barmaids come in all forms, colors, shapes, ages & sizes! And if you treated them like decent ladies… they'd lean over the table & park them soft warm titties on your shoulder while refill'n that cheap five dollar pitcher of Bud, Miller, or Rainier's finest brew! Yep, these were the same gals who would make sure their regulars always had an ice cold brew in front of them at all times and made it into a taxi and delivered to the gaudamn pier so they could arrive alive the next day at morning quarters!!

Long ago on the night after payday, the strip outside the main gate at PSNS Bremerton, Wa. was one-stop shopping for suds, sex and plenty of pawn shops.  El Camino's was a crackerjack sailor's paradise. You could get a belly full of beer for five dollars, a somewhat acceptable meal, a game of pool, dance with a few wicked women, or get a quickie in the backseat of the parking if your standards were low enough!

But first and foremost was an ornery ol' gal serving suds with a bit of piss & vinegar named Gladys. She was the head barmaid and took no shit! She could wrestle the biggest meanest son-of-a-bitch down with one hand while balancing a tray of budweiser with the other! Yep, she was the Mama-san of the ol' El Camino establishment. If you didn't know Dick was the owner you'd swear it was Gladys's joint! It was her house and everyone knew it. Barmaids came and went but she was a main stay for years...

I wonder what happened to those ol' sailor hangouts within walking distance of the front gate? Where did all those hole in the wall taverns go enlightened with neon beer signs & dance floor disco balls with playboy pinups laminated above every bathroom urinal? Where does a group of drunken sailors go to buy a round of cold brewskis these days?  Where do you take newly frocked petty officers & toast to their earnings?

There's a place called the Horse & Cow full of Bubbleheads and Submarine mementoes but nothing from the ol' days back on sixth street in downtown Bremerton...and surely not within walking distance of the front gate!

Where do you take a son to show em' your ol' hangouts from back in the day? Where can you go to see ol' photos of the boys drink'n it up & pinch'n the barmaid on the tail end of yesterday! Where do you go on Halloween night to find a bartmaid wear'n lingerie and a white hat? Or a barmaid that will come to your table, hike up her skirt and let you tuck a few dead presidents into her panties and get a kiss? So...while many of our ol' high school buddies were off to college pledging some crazy fraternity, we were gett'n an education in bars our mothers would never approve of with iniquitous barmaids whose tits were so big you couldn't fit 'em both in the same zip code!!