‘Surprise … Surprise’

I've got a bit of regalement for ya'…

One of GOD's most delightful creations, is women!!  I love women... love to look at 'em, love to smell 'em, love to listen to their sexy voices... used to like to touch 'em…  but now I'd get my tally whacker cut off if I did being all married and such!!! Women... all ages, stages, shapes, sizes, colors & smells. Tall ones, short ones, round ones, thin ones... you name it… I’ve loved them all!!!

Now as a young crackerjack on the ol’ USS ‘Baglady’ I’d heard many a tale about this place in Northern ‘San Dog’ called ‘Blacks Beach’… a swank lil’ sandbox where you could walk around all day long with your wanker hang’n low!!! Now I ain’t much to look at nowadays all knowing why they call it middle aged… cause all your weight ends up in the middle!!! But back in my early twenties I was quite the handsome little devil!!! 

When a feller at that age hears about a nudist beach… you can bet your silly ass he’s gonna try to figure out a way to be there in a hurry… especially if there are pretty little California Beach Bunnies wondering around. So on the first weekend liberty we got a chance… myself and Ed the ‘Marlboro Man’ Willis headed up the coast look’n for this place. When we came to a point we thought we’d found it… and with no reason to doubt ourselves…  it was off with the ol’ skin coverings!!!

So we commenced a strutt’n down the beach shaken what are momma’s gave us as we spotted two young ladies down the way. Both were lay’n front down on a couple of beach towels all oiled up with their tops off. They were both definitely women and both heavenly delectable so Ed and I definitely were start’n to have a bit of a testosterone fit… noth’n like pitching a tent on the beach when there’s no tent to pitch… it ya know what I mean!!!  We slowed down to get a better look but one of the gals pops up with a surprised look on her face and squeals,

“What the hell you boys think your doing??”

I asserted we were just taken a stroll on the beach.

"Why the Fuck sakes are you naked??”

I uttered somewhat baffled that since it was a nude beach we were gonna do it ‘butt nekkit’!! Both of them gals about laughed their asses off… talk about awkwardness…  and commenced to tell’n us we were on the wrong gaudamned beach to be doing that shit!!!

Needless to say we both turned a few shades of red and tailed back leaving that gaudamned beach behind. We spent the rest of the evening gett’n trashed at Pacific Beach and tried to avoid any nude beaches for some time.

It wasn’t until a few many years later I stumbled onto this place somewhat abruptly… One evening while temporarily detached down in ‘San Dog’ doing some Brig Chaser training in Miramar… from the Great Northwest, I had decided to take a jaunt in my government paid rental car to check out the La Jolla area of the Beach!!  As I approached the Torre Pines Road I noticed a sign that read ‘Torre Pines Gliderport’ for Hang Gliding… curious as I was I figured I’d park the hooptie and go check it out!!!

Well to no avail, there was not a gaudamned thing to see as the Gliderpark hung over a cliff a couple a hundred feet above an ocean front view… but I noticed a shoestring trail kinda haphazardly cut into the cliff on the way down to the beach… so I figured, ‘why the hell not???’  With gaudamned warning signs posted everywhere I proceeded with caution as I ponderously headed down the path!!! On every turn I could tell the cliff was pretty damned unstable and any wrong move could be a bad on. And finally I made it to the promise land… and ‘Holy Shit’ was it ‘Not’ what I expected!!! 

I found out real quick that after all these years I had just discovered  Blacks Beach!! I also discovered that nude beaches are full of people who shouldn’t be in the nude… cause I gotta tell ya… not everybody is good-look’n when they’re ‘butt nekkit’!!!

Most of these people were obviously throw back hippies… critchities & crotchities… elderly… ol’ leathered balls sagg’n… ol’ tethered boobies sagg’n…  ol’ gay couples toss’n Frisbees… and the rest of the works!!!

What I couldn’t figure out were all these ol’ f@#kers play’n the volleyball with their wankers flapp’n in all directions like a ‘Bruno’ movie!!! If you wanna go to a nude beach and watch a bunch of gaudamned geriatrics wanting you to join in a game of volleyball waiving there ant eaters around, then by all means… you’re fresh meat I say!!!

So I headed down aways to entertain what inquiring minds always wanna’ know… and to my bewilderment I find this ol’ gal right up on the surf like a gaudamned beached seal performing a bit of ol’ self-gratification to the genitalia in broad daylight!!! Not even on a nude beach would I ever expect such a sight!!! 

But I guess Life ain’t no damn singles bar… and I found out quicker than shit that nude beaches are no exception!!! And the water is so gaudamned cold there… I’d be afraid of super shrinkage!!!