Anyone pull a night of Shore Patrol in this ol’ fella’s Navy? You see, the duty of the Shore Patrol was to keep shipmates outta trouble by walking the bars, brothels & massage parlors up and down the towns in foreign ports around the world!! It was our duty to keep’m outta the hands of the local magistrate and tuck them in at night when they’d had a little too much rum and rambling going on!! We were charged with the ability to perceive and eliminate any threat from the shores of the Good ol’ US of A to the outer reaches of the Pacific Rim!!!
I remember the first time brandishing the infamous 'SP' armband with the shiny black police baton looking hard and tough! That ol’ arm band was worn on many a duty night while dealing with a mixed bag of people from all walks of life!! I heard a story once of a couple of shore patrollers bagg’n a drunk for punch’n the shit out of a gaudamn urinal after taking a long piss!! When shore patrol pulled the feller outta the bar kick’n & scream’n with a bloody fist he exclaimed...
“The gaudamn thing pissed back on me so I punched it!”
“The gaudamn thing pissed back on me so I punched it!”
Little did he know it was one of them fancy schmancy urinals with the automatic flushing dipity doos and as soon as he tucked his tally whacker away the water started splashing around. He about lost his gaudamn mind!!!
But I’ve gotta say I’ve been on both sides of that fence and it can get pretty hairy either way you look at it…grass is always greener over there!!!
As a young’n in San Diego and leaving the nightclub with a couple of lady friends we headed to our car but were accosted by a group of inebriated sailors! Apparently they were unhappy with the rejection of their advances to my lady friends!! Needless to say one of them had made a snide remark toward one of the ladies and I had to defend her honor and get between them!! Just as I started to speak the fella took a swing at me and hit her car door!! As I lunged toward him I felt a heavy...
‘THWAK’
... across the backside of my left ear and head as I fell to my knees and dropped to my hands! Just as I was near passing out I noticed little sparkling gems of broken glass all over the ground and a baton wrapped across my throat with my hands pulled behind me!! Next thing I knew I was being pulled up by the arms and a dozen or so people came over to explain to shore patrol that I was the victim, not the perp!!!
‘THWAK’
... across the backside of my left ear and head as I fell to my knees and dropped to my hands! Just as I was near passing out I noticed little sparkling gems of broken glass all over the ground and a baton wrapped across my throat with my hands pulled behind me!! Next thing I knew I was being pulled up by the arms and a dozen or so people came over to explain to shore patrol that I was the victim, not the perp!!!
The next day I woke up with a splitt’n headache and a ring’n eardrum! I reported the incident to my supervisor who sent me to medical but when he investigated the state of affairs, shore patrol headquarters had no record of any such reports from the night before!! Just goes to show you, even in the Navy it’s about covering your ass!!!
In another account I was at the nightclub with my good ol’ buddy Shawn when outta no where shore patrol popped in and yanked him outside inquiring about his military ID! Had he not been smart enough to show it to them he might a gotten away with the situation, but they didn’t like his haircut and hauled his ass into headquarters where they took his mugshot and gave him a good ol’ fashion buzzcut!! The next day at morning quarters, the Chief shows up with a blown up profile of Shawn demanding...
“If anyone has seen this Six Foot Cockatoo please report him to the Master-At-Arms!”
“If anyone has seen this Six Foot Cockatoo please report him to the Master-At-Arms!”
Then there was the case in Alameda, CA when a couple of us drunken delinquent types decided to bounce the backend of a nightclub bouncer’s Toyota 4X4 into the middle of the road for kick’n our little happy asses outta the club! Needless to say shore patrol caught us in the act and we took off like a herd of gazelle scattering in every gaudamn direction!! We made it back to the boat that night without gett’n caught but I woke up the next morning with a boot full of up’chuck from our previous antics!!!
But as luck would have it, what usually goes around comes around. Call it Karma or whatever the hell you want but it’s a lesson I learned over and over… As a petty officer in the Navy you are given a certain amount of responsibility rather you want it or not! To any half-wit sailor you are a petty officer on shore patrol and should be avoided at all costs!! Just ask a good buddy of mine that ended up pulled outta Cabo Wabo in Cabo San Lucas... That little gem of an antic put Cabo Wabo off limits for the rest of our port visit!!!
But I found that while on shore patrol in the beach bars of Baja Mexico the lady tourists just loved a man in uniform! I became the picture boy for many a drunken tourist at the infamous Squid Roe!! I also ended up without a cover and plenty of red lipstick on my collar when I reported back aboard!!!
But I found that while on shore patrol in the beach bars of Baja Mexico the lady tourists just loved a man in uniform! I became the picture boy for many a drunken tourist at the infamous Squid Roe!! I also ended up without a cover and plenty of red lipstick on my collar when I reported back aboard!!!
But I didn’t fare as well in Phuket Thailand when I saved a couple of USS Cowpens shipmates from gett’n cuffed and stuffed by the local Provost! Those sons-a-bitches cost me a helluva lot of conniving & bullshit
two-stepp’n to get their asses back to the ship and out of the hands of the local yocals!! Those guys have little to no tolerance for mouthy drunken squids!! Apparently one of the fellas had mistaken a local gal for a hooker and couldn’t keep his gaudamn hands off her!! I had a whole lotta explaining to do the next day to the Strike Group Commander as to ‘Whiskey Tango Foxtrot’ what happened!! I just hoped to never run into that kind of situation again... Don’t’ know what the hell happened to those two….!!!
two-stepp’n to get their asses back to the ship and out of the hands of the local yocals!! Those guys have little to no tolerance for mouthy drunken squids!! Apparently one of the fellas had mistaken a local gal for a hooker and couldn’t keep his gaudamn hands off her!! I had a whole lotta explaining to do the next day to the Strike Group Commander as to ‘Whiskey Tango Foxtrot’ what happened!! I just hoped to never run into that kind of situation again... Don’t’ know what the hell happened to those two….!!!
Then there was the instance as a Chief doing the duty incognito in the new Shore Patrol polo shirt with khaki pants! They don’t like us roaming around in uniform anymore. While touring the strip in Tumon Bay, Guam my Shore Patrol cohort and I took a gander into the infamous ‘Club USA’!! While my compadre went to investigate a couple of shipmates in the corner gett’n their bare asses whipped with a leather belt by one of them lovely go-go dancers I took a direct path to the head where I had to wait my turn to use the shitter!!!
As I waited intensely while squeez’n a turtle head one of my younger shipmates came out of the shitter stall all drunk and happy to see me! Not like I wanted his shit stained hands all over me or anything… while I was sitt’n on the toilet releasing the tension of my load…. I noticed there was not shit paper!!
“IC2, get me some napkins, or something when you get out there so I can wipe my ass!"
“No problem Chief, I’ll be right with ya!”
As I waited intensely while squeez’n a turtle head one of my younger shipmates came out of the shitter stall all drunk and happy to see me! Not like I wanted his shit stained hands all over me or anything… while I was sitt’n on the toilet releasing the tension of my load…. I noticed there was not shit paper!!
“IC2, get me some napkins, or something when you get out there so I can wipe my ass!"
“No problem Chief, I’ll be right with ya!”
So I finish my business while waiting for my shipmate.. and waiting.. and waiting.. and waiting!! The son-of-a-bitch left me hanging in there…and I had to use sink water and my hand to wipe my ass thanks to that asshole… oh, he was on my shit list after that to say the least… lesson here, never piss off a Chief in a Go-Go lounge with shit in his hand while he’s standing shore patrol… Nough Said!!!
I just thank the ol’ man upstairs I wasn’t standing watch on that late night liberty zoo launch where the drunk’n seaman puked on the host countries flag while upchuck’n over the side. Boy, was that one hell-of-a ride!!! 
I was hoping it was just a day thing, But you really are in love with yourself as a X Navy person. Give it a break would you.
ReplyDeleteTo Anonymous...spoken like someone who has never served his country
DeleteExNavy is some swinging dick that did the minimum time and got out. The Chief and I are retired Navy.
DeleteStood shore patrol during Rimpac in 1994ish time frame at Club Pearl, but that's the only one I stood.
ReplyDeleteI was on SP I. Hong Kong as a PO3, back in 1985. My partner and I was breaking up a fight between two sailors, and as I was dragging one back, next thing I remembered was looking up with several faces looking down at me wondering if I was dead. Apparently someone didn’t like the idea of their friends getting in trouble, came up from behind me and hit me across the face with a bottle. I was spitting blood and teeth. Broke my cheekbone, got a few stitches, and lost two molars. Needless to say, I always had my baton ready after that!
ReplyDelete6 months on SP in San Diego. Partner and I are in SD airport and young kid with no hair, too large pants, too small shirt, and spitshined boots. We walk over and my partner says"Excuse me sir, are you in the service?" Kid snaps a perfect brace and shoutd out NO SIR, THE PRIVATE'S NOT IN THE MARINE CORPS SIR.
ReplyDeleteOops!
Getting a drunk sailor out of a Lesbian Bar. He thought he was in female heaven. I told him he'd be in Hell, and sent him back to the ship.
ReplyDeleteWhile waiting in transient personnel in Subic Bay I ran into a friend t the exchange. When he found out I was going to be there for at least a week or more. He asked if I wanted to go TAD to Shore Patrol and stay in house with him and his family. After about ten minutes with Transient Personnel Admin. I had TAD orders and they had the number to call when my flight was coming in. That night and for the next four nights I found my self riding around in a shore patrol van. That fifth night was to become the night from hell. A group of sailors flagged us down and reported that one of their shipmates had gone to the head and the hadn't seen him since, after a quick look around we found there were only two ways out of the bar through the front door or through a two foot diameter hole in the floor that served as the toilet. After shining a flask light down the hole and yelling or the young man he finally managed to respond. well that was the start of one heck of an adventure. The sewers und the bars and other buildings on the main street coming out of the gate were just concrete lined trenches a couple of feet wide and 10 feet deep. As a result we couldn't get him out the same way he went in, so several us of were outfitted with coverall, hip boots, gloves and gas masks, and along with a couple of Olongapo police officers we descended into the bowels of the earth in search of this lost soul. It took us about 0 minutes to find and 20 minutes to get him out since he could not walk on his own. After he was out he was sent to the hospital for decontamination and medical treatment. The rest of had to walk back to the Shore Patrol headquarters still in our boots coveralls, gloves and gas masks since we could not ride in any of the vehicles. When we got there they hosed us down and several people with coveralls on and gloves helped each of us to remove our gear which was all bagged and sent off for incineration or sterilization. This adventure taught me two things, one was why the river has it nick name and two after five minutes in that environment a gas mask is not you friend it might keep some nasty things out but it doesn't stop the smell.
DeleteWas SP in Hong Kong and Japan during Westpac '79. In Hong Kong I saw the biggest rat in my life. The last year of my enlistment I was TAD to SP at NAS Miramar. The 1st day had to talk a WAVE out of jumping from the 3rd floor, trying to commit suicide. My fellow shipmates were cheering her on. She ended up half naked, but we got her to come back inside. It was a crazy 6 months.
ReplyDelete