"THE WICKET"

Once upon a time, In a foreign land just north of the border, somewhere in the Canadian Wilderness there was an iniquitous place called ‘The Sticky Wicket!’ A place infused with rundown charm and youthful mischief with the allure of a culpable party of young swashbucklers pursued by wankered ol’ cougars looking for an easy lay!! Been there twice in a Canoe Club lifetime and it’s always the main stay for young Crackerjacks visiting the Victoria BC!!!

So sit right down and join in as I lose my last shreds of sanity in this ‘No Shitter’ of a tale filled with wild & crazy antics, where Crackerjack Sailors usually low in intelligence, devoid of civility or any good sense come to play! Where the topics of thread’n yarns usually included sports, sex, alcohol, partying, beer, and bad action movies!! These are a group of fellas who never cease to live up to their reputation!!!

Yep… this was the same cadre of crazy bastards from the ‘House’ in a previous story! On another visit, a conspiracy of Crackerjacks & Khakis alike fully partaking in craziness ensued with alcohol and loose talk!! Though probably frowned upon by Navy Brass, it was definitely a place to relax your uniform and let your hair down!!!

I believe it was in 95’ onboard the Rainier ‘Lucky No.7 the first time I made this weekend get away! Only a day’s trip from homeport but seemed worlds apart!! I don’t believe anyone knew what we were in for when we left the ship!! It was the days of debauchery and who better to celebrate with than a few thirsty shipmates!!!

Young, dumb and full of … ‘testosterone’ we looked for nothing more than drinks and sleazy bar scenes! It was as though someone laid peanut shells out like a red carpet for feet to follow!! Everyone would eventually find themselves at this place!!!

The Wicket was home base on liberty and provided every bit of entertainment possible! It housed a nightclub in the basement known as Legends, a game room in the back, a couple of restaurants and pubs on the main level and a rooftop bar and volleyball court… oh and did I mention the hotel so you never had to venture far!! This place was self-contained with lots of character and appeal!!!

I remember a night of Karaoke sitting with the boys and a shipmate known as ‘Brewster’ walked up to the microphone ready to sing not knowing his shipmates had done him in! There it was in big bold letters...

"I Am Woman!"

He suddenly threw the microphone to the ground and yelled…

"Oh hell no!"

Then there was the late night incident when Caldwell hooked up with an ol’ ‘English Maid’ before sobering up to realize… and ditched her in a coffee shop at 3AM with his buddies foot’n the bill!! Thanks again asshole … it’s all good!!!

Remember Goffinet hooking up with that old floozy native woman and renting a room?!? She ended up with Needham before the weekend was over…oh, how she got around!! Then there was the night in Legends where the whole ship’s crew was sexually mesmerized in some euphoric wild orgy!! There were Officers, Chiefs and Blueshirts leaving items of clothing all over the floor that should have covered particular extremities we need not see, but that’s none of your business!!!

It’s what made the stay so mind boggling! This was the first time I left a port and heard the Captain announce over the 1MC…

“What was done underway, stays underway!”

I’m sure his guilt was of something the Misses was not supposed to be acquainted with!!!

Years later onboard the mighty MOMSEN, the Wicket became infamous once again! One particular night around 10pm, after all had been drinking, things got a bit whacky!! Now it doesn't take long for the average person to get bombed out of their mind… but our QMC had so much drunk’n swagger he could barely walk!!!

This was where things got interesting! He started grabbing the young females in inappropriate ways and making rude gestures!! After being somewhat inebriated and talking the shit all night, it led to a full group of groping Khakis explaining themselves to the Skipper!! Even the Command Master Chief was not impervious to such acts of decadence as it may have contributed to his dismissal!! He was sorely missed subsequent to this story, but we all enjoyed his company while it lasted!!!

I honestly cannot think of a single memory I don’t enjoy when looking back on such occasions! As ridiculous and abhorrent to some these stories may seem, these guys were as fun loving and careless as sailors have always been known to be!! There has always been something charming about the delightful creatures we call sailors... they’ll never leave the bars, they’ll always find love and they’ll always be in debt... while the women will love’m, the towns will tolerate them, and our tax dollars will always support their woes!!!

It’s exhilarating looking back at who’s not afraid to shake what their mama gave them just inches from your face! As the last lamenting souls of shame cry out in laughter…

 “The Devil made me do it!”

Have another round and enjoy the rowdiness……