Glorius Tales of a Sailor's Past

For some time now I've been caught up romanticizing the tales of a life and generation in the ol’ Canoe Club filled with thirteen button Crackerjacks in hopes to capture the imaginations of those who read them! Though far-fetched they may seem, they’re the no-shitter tales of a time when sailors traveled faraway places in search of indescribable treasures… but these treasures weren’t measured by material significance or quantifiable assessment!! No… they were measured by the passion of hearts and the comfort of curious souls. The riches I speak of are forever locked in memory to be readily retrieved at a moment’s notice on any moonlit fantail or hole-in-the-wall tavern where ever we choose to congregate!!!

Soooo… sit right back and I'll tell a tale, a tale of a fate full trip! Naaah… I won't recite Gilligan… that’d be cheap and unimaginative!! But I will take you back in time reminiscing the early life of a Crackerjack who was young, dumb, and full of liquid courage...and other precarious indulgences that I'll purposely fail to mention for the moment!!!

The place was in San Diego, California! That’d be San Dog to all you ol’ salts out there!! So many places to see and places to be...and the women, oh my, twas a sailor's haven!! As Jimmy Buffet so eloquently put it…

 

 "I'm a pirate 200 years too late!"

 

Yes, those were the days of young and there was so much alcohol and testosterone running through our veins! A time of dollar-drink nights in crowded bars where shoulders nudged and drinks were spilled!! The sound of laughter mingled with smells of cheap perfume!! Iniquitous women with beautiful tan bodies roamed the corridors of sticky floors where peanut shells crackle underfoot!! The mix of B-52s and Oingo Boingo from Dj Booths, and Yes, alternative music on 91X really was alternative… those were the days, indeed!!!

Living my teenage youth in Florida I was very familiar with that phenomenon called Spring Break, but that was innocent by contrast to the obnoxious delight of the care free party animals just south of the boarder! Yeah, you probably thunk it… Tijuana, Mexico!! OOH Yeah Baby, I'm talking about Avenida Revolución Party City!! People really do party naked in some places of the world!! It was mind boggling to a young man in the infancy of adulthood gallivanting clubs like Bananaramas, Tequila Sunrise, Club A's and Tilly's 5th Avenue!!!

 

Just a few infamous hangouts we swaggered to and from… To Tijuana thousands would flock for exotic entertainment never having to search far and wide! Rather it was the Donkey Shows I never found to the Go-Go dancers at Bambi's or the ecstatic euphoria of whistles blowing mercilessly in your ear as you were violently shook & spun round and round by some Mexican going Ape Shit to the tune of a Tequila Popper!! This was the notorious mind erasure… but rest assured you didn't get lost on a side street or steal any chicklets from a wily little pickpocket… You might end up spending a cozy night with Pancho Villa in the Tijuana slammer! Still, you might be able to sell your shame as indulgence for an extra $20 or $30 and some change... the Tijuana Constable was notorious for that!!!

 

Then at the legal tender age of 21 you no longer needed risking a night of debauchery in a crowded third world shithole orgy of erotic drunken filth! Now you could get the experience in Pacific Beach!! That's "PB" to the locals…  Garnet Avenue was the place!!!

 

Here was the legendary Douchebag McNasty's more commonly referred to as Moose McGillycuddy's! There were many other establishments such as Billy Bones, Big Kahuna's, Jose Murphy's and the fashionably ludicrous Red Onion in Mission Beach!! It was in places like these we were wild beyond our wildest dreams, where the beach and boardwalk were star attractions by day but all about the bars at night!!!

 

With a little bit of Baja in San Diego, sitting around drinking beer was merely an excuse to watch the honeys and soak up the sun! This was an occasion in this young sailor's life to get loud, obnoxious, and have the kind of fun you never wanted to end!! I remember a sign that hung above the door…

 

"No shirt, no shoes...no problem!"

 

Now I look back and reminisce of days gone by, watching silly bimbos and dorky beach bum wannabes on America's Outrageous Celebrity Catfights doing real-life stupid shit no one really does but as I reflect on these nubile philanderers and stare too long I become misplaced as I sometimes miss the smell of stale beer and the sexual prowess glowing from the green freeway exit sign of my glorious 20s!!!

 

So I'll end this rant and say, "Cheers, Cold beers and margaritas to everyone