“Right now I'm sitting here looking at you trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.”
Or
“When you were born you were so ugly the Doctor punched your Momma in the mouth!”
Life could get a bit dull underway and sometimes we just had to find ways to keep ourselves amused. Pissing up each other's rope sometimes could be the best form of entertainment. Living life as a sailor made it quite evident that this form of verbal hazing was not meant for those who get bitterly enraged. Before the PC Navy you had to have a set of balls made of cast iron steel to walk in an enclosed room with a bunch of Sailors.
My CIWS cohort, Neil "The Sauce Man" Saucier was the best at the game. He was quick witted and a mile ahead of anyone when it came to insults and comebacks. He was a real smart ass connoisseur! Yeah, Neil was beyond salvation when it came to the personal insult. Neil when you die, sorry man, but you are going straight to Hell on the inferno express.
One evening underway while performing a gun tear down we had run into a few snags thanks to the big FC3 Hurt Locker. Neil starts heckling him about his fat ass and how he couldn’t get anything right. Never mind the fact Hurt Locker was about six foot five and close to three hundred pounds. But Neil didn’t care, he just wanted to give this ol’ boy an ear full and see how far he could push his luck. You could see the rage build in Hurt as he considered the options of ending Neil’s life.
Next thing I knew the big Hurt lunged at Neil and tried to pulverize his skinny ass while myself and one of our other cohorts jumped on his back and tried to wrestle him back. I had always been known to be able to handle myself pretty well but this was like trying to wrestle a rodeo bull. I was getting thrown around like a ragdoll. But we finally got his ass to settle down while Neil skirted off laughing.
Yeah, common decency stopped at the door and was usually not welcomed inboard of a compartment full of sailors back in the day. It was like chumming sharks in a feeding frenzy. But that kind of crap can get you in trouble these days. In the PC Navy they won’t stand for that kind of harassment. I mean after all we’re suppose to be warriors! If you can’t handle a bit of banter then how the hell are you going to handle the spoils of War!
You're so ugly, when you were born, the doctor didn't know which end to slap.
ReplyDeleteYo mamma so fat they had to weigh her on the Rhicter scale!
ReplyDeleteWhen you were born, the doctor turned you over and said "My GOD twins"
ReplyDeleteYour old man shoulda rolled over an shot you out the window
ReplyDeleteMy 2 favorite were and still are:
ReplyDelete"The best part of you ran down your momma's leg" and "you must have been strained thru a sock".
The best came from my father. A army man... Sailor my no means. Get it while I was a adolecent. "The best part of you ran down your momma as s crack."
ReplyDeleteTough skinned... Try having your mother commit suicide when you were 13. The PC is still nonexistent. Noses were busted. Knuckles were busted, dogged hatches were church. And this in 05-09. Can't say since then and if so... I pity the new service and nation for that matter. True men done exist. True sailors need to grow some thick skin.
The Navy today ain't what it was in the 50's. I was on a "tin can" '58-'61. The "can" that my great nephew was on when he retired in 2014 was nothing like the one I was on. I could not visit all of it, but what I did see was entirely different.
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