Navy Reitirement Message...

CHANGE TO U.S. NAVY EARLY RETIREMENT PROGRAM

SUBJ: CHANGE TO U.S. NAVY EARLY RETIREMENT PROGRAM

A. PERSONNEL MANUAL, COMNAVINST M1000.6(SERIES)

1. AS A RESULT OF SENATE PROPOSED FORCE REDUCTIONS AND BUDGET CUTS THE U.S. NAVY HAS DEVELOPED A PROGRAM TO REDUCE THE NUMBER OF ACTIVE DUTY PERSONNEL.
THIS PROGRAM IS UNDER TEST PHASE AND WILL BE EFFECTIVE 1 JANUARY 2009. UNDER THIS NEW PROGRAM, OLDER SAILORS WILL BE ASKED TO GO ON EARLY RETIREMENT, THUS PERMITTING THE RETENTION OF THE YOUNGER SAILORS WHO REPRESENT THE FUTURE. THEREFORE, THIS PROGRAM WILL PHASE OUT OLDER SAILORS BY THE END OF THE NEXT FISCAL YEAR. THIS INITIAL PHASE OF THE PROGRAM WILL BE KNOWN AS SLAP (SAILORS LATE-AGED PROGRAM). SAILORS WHO ARE SLAPPED WILL BE GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO LOOK FOR JOBS OUTSIDE THE U.S. NAVY. SLAPPED SAILORS CAN REQUEST A REVIEW OF THEIR PERSONNEL RECORDS BEFORE ACTUAL RETIREMENT TAKES PLACE.

2. THIS PHASE OF THE PROGRAM IS CALLED SCREW (SURVEY OF CAPABILITIES OF RETIRED EARLY WORKERS). ALL SAILORS WHO HAVE BEEN SLAPPED OR SCREWED MAY FILE AN APPEAL WITH THEIR CHAIN OF COMMAND WITH FINAL AUTHORITY AT THE AREA LEVEL.

3. THIS IS CALLED SHAFT (STUDY BY HIGHER AUTHORITY FOLLOWING TERMINATION). UNDER THE TERMS OF THE NEW POLICY, A SAILOR MAY BE SLAPPED ONCE, SCREWED TWICE, BUT MAY BE SHAFTED AS MANY TIMES AS THE U.S. NAVY DEEMS APPROPRIATE. IF A SAILOR FOLLOWS THE ABOVE PROCEDURES, HE/SHE WILL BE ENTITLED TO GET HERPES (HALF EARNINGS FOR RETIRED PERSONNEL’S EARLY SEVERANCE) OR CLAP (COMBINED LUMP-SUM ASSISTANCE PAYMENT), UNLESS HE/SHE ALREADY HAS AIDS (ADDITIONAL INCOME FROM DEPENDENTS OR SPOUSE).

4. AS HERPES AND CLAP ARE CONSIDERED BENEFIT PLANS, ANY SAILOR WHO HAS RECEIVED HERPES OR CLAP WILL NO LONGER BE SLAPPED OR SCREWED BY THE U.S. NAVY. THE U.S. NAVY WISHES TO ASSURE THE YOUNGER SAILORS WHO REMAIN ON BOARD, THAT THE U.S. NAVY WILL CONTINUE ITS POLICY OF TRAINING SAILORS THROUGH OUR SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (SHIT). THE U.S. NAVY TAKES PRIDE IN THE AMOUNT OF SHIT OUR SAILORS RECEIVE. WE HAVE GIVEN OUR SAILORS MORE SHIT THAN ANY OTHER SERVICE. IF ANY SAILOR FEELS THEY DO NOT RECEIVE ENOUGH SHIT AT THEIR CURRENT DUTY STATION, SEE YOUR IMMEDIATE SUPERVISOR. YOUR SUPERVISOR IS SPECIALLY TRAINED TO MAKE SURE YOU RECEIVE ALL THE SHIT YOU CAN STAND.

5. THIS CHANGE WILL BE INCORPORATED INTO A FUTURE CHANGE TO REF A