"Stink'n Snipes”

The Good Book says God created the Earth and the Heavens in six days and that he & a couple of his minions celebrated with a few cold brewskies and a pack of Marlboros on the Seventh Day! Creation must’ve been like a Gordian Knot so they were probably on liberty every night at the local watering hole gett’n liquored up so it’s no wonder they turned out things like, giraffes, Long-nosed Proboscis Monkeys, Blob Fish & the Duck-Billed Platypuses. They had to been piss’n in the wind drunk when they conjured together that kind of Primordial Soup.

Late on the Sixth day the Ol’ Man created Snipes! He must’ve been so tanker’d he had no idea what he was gett’n himself into! Nobody would have created a Snipe on purpose…

First an explanation is needed. Navy Snipes are the members of the engineering crew aboard big grey hulky Navy ships. This includes the Engine room, Fire room, Auxiliary, Electrical crews & any other stink’n smelly ‘Bilge Rats!’

Around the War of 1812 the Navy acquired their first steam ships. To run the sons-a-bitches required not sailors but engineers from early land based steam engines. As I figure, sailors didn’t take kindly to these landlubbers as part of the crew. So the crew was divided into Deckhands and Engineers. Deck Sailors reported to the Ship’s Master while Engineers reported to the Engine Master. But due to the fact the Ship’s Master controlled all quarters & rations the Engineers got the shitty end of the ol’ stick! Because Engineers were considered second hand to the deck crew, they could be flogged & harassed at will by the Ship’s Master.

That was until a feller by the name of John Snipes. This quick witted son-of-a-bitch was a different cut from all the others. He demanded sleeping accommodations, and food equal to the Deck crew. He also declared no more harassment for his gang. When the Skipper laughed, Snipes simply had his men put out the fires in the boiler. To make a long story short, Snipes brought about changes in the system. In time these changes extended to all that are haze grey and underway! The Engineers became ‘hands off’ to the Deck hands. They became known as Snipe's men and over the years just ‘Snipes.’

Relatively new to the Rainier in March o’ 94’ and not a lot of ship’s company yet onboard there weren’t a lot of good ol’ buddy ol’ pals to hang out with. I didn’t know anyone and it was like starting a’ new. I was quickly befriended by one of these Snipes, GSM2 Bobby Tettleton. I think that drunk ol’ Man upstairs said,

“I'll create a Snipe & name him 'Bobby Tettleton' and turn the son-of-a-bitch loose on one of those Navy ships just to see what happens."

He was one of them seventh fleet sailors who’d spent his career in Japan and all he could talk about was how much better they had it over there. If you look up 'totally worthless bastard' in any dictionary’ you’d probably find Tettleton! Then again, I’ve never been accused of being a good candidate for saint hood myself. Hang’n out with Tettleton there was always something of consistency. It was always a gaudamn drunk fest. He was one of them kind of fellas that always had the need to prove he could drink everyone under the table.

Well, Tettleton took a lik’n to me and told me even though I might be a fresh air ‘Twidget’ I could consider myself an honorary snipe beings how I could drink with the rest of em!’

“Ever since you made me an honorary snipe, my I.Q. has dropped fifty points and I've been doing stupid shit like piss’n off the pier & wink’n at transvestites!”

Yep, anyone who’s been on a hulky grey Navy ship recognizes the greasy ‘Snipe’ in the chow line! They were the crazy ‘Bilge Rat’ bastards with sweat-soaked stink’n coveralls & greasy rags hang’n from their pockets always up to their eyeballs in grease & lube oil from bad tempered machinery and just being hardworking sons-a-bitches while mak’n the ship do what it was made to do! All the while dream’n about big-tittied women scratch’n their backs in the places they can't reach, with a cold brewski or a bottle o’ rum wait’n just for him!!

Gotta' love these hardy bastards... the whole lot of 'em... always work'n hard & play'n hard... cause that's what they do!!!