"Squid & Jarhead Brawls"

It all comes back to me now. One of the romanticisms of sailor lore that may had been a contributing factor to my enlistment into the crackerjack canoe club some twenty-three years ago. Perhaps it was those scenes from that National Lampoon type movie '1941' with John Belushi and Dan Akroyd. I was completely fascinated with the fella who cumshawed a cracker jack out of his dress blues while passed out drunk so he could 'Jitterbug' his way into some young gal's heart and Swing his way up and down the walls causing a brawl that strung itself all the way down Hollywood Blvd and onto the sunset strip! For years on many a night at one of them ol' dockside clubs anywhere around a Navy base, a dozen Sailors stood poised to brawl with a dozen marines.

The trouble usually started over some loose dames by the name of 'Peggy-Sue', 'Dixie', 'Trixie' and all the rest. We bought 'em pitchers of beer & shots of smooth tequila and gave 'em back rubs from hell. We told them our biggest bullshit stories, patted their asses and they took us in like stray cats. Some Jarhead marine bumped into a Squid sailor who was busy talking to his far away honey-koe on the phone. The Jarhead marine failed to apologize and the drunken dumb ass crackerjack shoved him in return. They got in each other's faces, spitt'n out Squid & Jarhead insults left and right! Then the Sailor went back to his business talking to his honey-koe on the phone while the Jarhead marine stomped off.

Soon after, the Drunken Crackerjack Squid complained to his shipmates who immediately demanded an apology from the Jarhead marine. The atmosphere at the hole in the wall chum bucket of a hangout club changed. No more good times, no more fool'n around under the table with the dames, no more happy-go-lucky jacks. The two groups of uniformed servicemen flexed their hard earned muscles, ready for fisticuffs. The women stood helpless as their johns abandoned them to stand by their mates. Their honor was on the line.

Such an exhibition of testosterone and rigor were regular features of dockside interaction. Insobriety, chauvinism, and competition over nonsense put sailors and marines on edge with each other on too many an occasion. Usually nothing happened, but if the macho friction became too great, pandemonium would ensue, and shit would hit the fan!!

Unfortunately a few years ago the worst had happened at 32nd Street Naval Station in San Diego. A group of Marines got into it with a drunken sailor and shot the young seamen to death at a close by taco stand outside the club. The inebriated crackerjack had a drunken dispute with the Jarheads over some loose dame. When the Marines left and stumbled out of the club, the young drunken sailor rounded up his mates and followed them to a Del Taco. There they proceeded with more trouble as one of the marines took out a 9mm and finished him off gangsta' style with a single shot.

When I was a young crackerjack, Squids and Jarheads cracked each other's skulls with pool cues. None of this wimpy gun style injustice! It doesn't take a man to use a gun in a bar fight, that's for gaudamn sure. And for their efforts, the on base establishments such as the Club Metro, Anchors & Spurs, and all the rest of the ol' EN clubs are all but gone! A blast from the past that will remain there!!

Back in the day, club owners called the squids or the jarheads off and insisted one or the other apologized and then the owner would settle all grief with a couple of pitchers of free beer on the house to pacify them. Noth'n that a handshake and a few suds couldn't wash down, you get the picture??? Cops and bouncers kept an eye on the situation of public drunkenness and annoyance but shrugging off the problem as it was defused by the owner of the establishment.

The next night the same group of Squids and Jarheads were at the same scene doing it again, sitt'n right across from each other rais'n up another shit stink!!! Such was the power of alcohol-based conflict-resolution tactics by savoir-faire club owners. You Lady Leathernecks, I truly hope you got what you were looking for and that life has been as good for you as you made it for us. You were a piece of our screwball history and between the booze, the babes and the brawls we had a great time of it so many years ago!!